The only thing undeniable about ``Twin Peaks'' is that the series opened with homecoming queen Laura Palmer's body washing ashore, meticulously wrapped in white plastic tarp. OK, maybe even that's not true. Laura's lookalike cousin also arrived, very much alive, leading at least one TV critic to theorize that Laura Palmer killed Laura Palmer. Or rather, Laura Palmer killed her cousin and now is impersonating her. It's a whodunit gone amok. In ``Twin Peaks,'' we don't even know who's been done. And if you understand the bizarre, quirky, weird, offbeat episodic series brought to television by filmdom's offbeat, weird, quirky and bizarre director David Lynch, please fill the rest of us in. We're hopelessly confused. Tonight's season finale promises to resolve the Palmer murder in a small Northwest lumber town whose occupants are alternately obsessed with doughnuts, coffee, pie, logs, psychic visions, Laura's murder, tape recorders, birds, wife-beating, cocaine, draperies that glide silently and dancing dwarfs who talk backwards. Newsweek was so confused, it ran a chart titled ``The Story So Far (As Near As Anyone Can Figure).'' Los Angeles Times television columnist Howard Rosenberg said he was watching every episode and ``loving it. I think.'' Here's the basic plot, or a reasonable facsimile: Seventeen-year-old Laura Palmer turns up dead. Pie-loving FBI agent Dale Cooper comes to town to help doughnut-loving Sheriff Harry S. Truman solve the murder. Laura may or may not have been a drug dealer, but she most definitely was homecoming queen. Her mother has psychic visions. There is a woman who carries around a log. A one-armed man is ominously referred to. Cooper walks around talking into a tape recorder. Nadine wears an eye patch, lives for noiseless drapes and is married to ``Big Ed'' Hurley, who runs the town gas station. Josie Packard owns the local mill and has the hots for Truman. Everybody is sleeping with everybody else's husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend ... well, you get the picture. If you don't, take heart. ``Twin Peaks'' will be back in the fall, ABC announced this week. Oh, goody. That gives us all enough time to get over the motion sickness from trying to figure out this season.
